Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
