You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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