There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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