i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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