If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
