Betty ford says i'm here all night
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize