They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
