can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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