If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
