I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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