they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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