There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
