At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
His nipple licking is glorious
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