I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
