If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
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