I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
