oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
