the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize