you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
