Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
