i'm signing you up for texting rehab
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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