Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
