so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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