her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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