i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
