someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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