when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
PANTIES FOUND
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
