3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
