I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
