The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
