Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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