Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
