totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
