my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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