My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my being single is dangerous.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
