Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize