I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
