I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
