saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
please come you make the beer taste better
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
