I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
