Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
