I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
