I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
