shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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