Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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