Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
