Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
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