can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
