There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize