just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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