Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize