a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
