doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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