I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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