My hand turned me down
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
