I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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