he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize