i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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