Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize