just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
