I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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