I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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