Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
