A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just sucked dick on a ferry
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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