I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
