i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
