Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
