Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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