Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
