doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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