batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize