oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
