it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize