you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
