part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
