I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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