my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
