im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
