Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
