did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
