Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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