you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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