3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
