I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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