Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
honey bunches of taint.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
