I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
