I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
