I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
