From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
