I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
