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im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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