How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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