I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
should my penis look like a turkey
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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