youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
