Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
