for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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