I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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