How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
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I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
