today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
