If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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