Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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